My aspirations in life?...To be happy.
One theme would clearly be that mental health is a serious issue that we should not ignore. I won't spend my entire time on just this show, but I wanted my readers to understand the affect it had on me. Mental health is a serious topic for me. You truly never know what someone is going through or has had to battle.
People may look at teenagers and assume they're just overly sensitive and going through so much change that things like rumors of promiscuity and teasing can affect them and only them. Or that they're the only age group that needs proper affection and attention. Wrong. Being out of your teens doesn't mean that you have grasped your emotions 100% and it does not mean that our mental state is perfect now that we made it past the huge hump of teenage life.
Just another stage; pageant the pain away
Ever felt sad? I mean, that sunken feeling like things suck? Felt disappointed in yourself or like things just weren't going right? Maybe even mad at your own self and felt like you were possibly lost on a solution to solve something going on in your life? Well, imagine feeling like this for extended periods of time and feeling helpless. Imagine this feeling weighing down on you like you have a backpack of bricks that just keeps getting heavier the longer you hold on to it and you can't quite figure out how to take it off, even though it may seem easy to onlookers.
Sometimes we don't realize that people are feeling this way around us because they appear happy sometimes. Depression doesn't have one look and sadness doesn't always mope. A lot of the time people move in and out of their darkness to try to find happiness in activities that should be fun. Do not ignore people when they reach out to you or if you see signs of depression or anxiety in others. This is my message to everybody to do your part to possibly save a life. But, this is also the time for me to speak on mental health dealing with the Black community.
In watching reactions to the show, as well as throughout my life, I noticed that the Black community seems to act as if depressive states are only for our white counterparts. Not only do we place the grunt of mental health issues on white people, we also seem to force the idea that mental health only affects women. Because of this, many Black men are suffering, which in turn so are the Black women.
Sadly, as I was creating this post a recent event in Cleveland has occurred, which to me shows us exactly how mental health can definitely be an issue with Black males, as well. Often times we push for our males to be "manly" which includes the idea that they should not show emotion or be hurt by anything. If a Black male is sad, he bottles up his emotions and tells himself to keep on moving because of the fear of looking "weak". Black women are at fault here, as well, by upholding some of the false ideas of how men "should" be. But mostly, our patriarchal society is to blame with how we have conditioned men to feel that they need to be a certain way. We (society) push our men to be emotionless and validate the rough and tough idea to be the only kind of man that we would accept , even though we (women) claim we want a man who is attentive to our emotions and expresses his own.
Without allowing our men to express their own emotions healthily, we (society) keep them in a box that forces them to be hyper-masculine and we then bash them for their lack of emotion. But, we (society) are the ones that built this stonewalling man. How can we expect a healthy mind if it is being told not to react to the regular emotions that are triggered? This could possibly be brought into situations where we see violence in some of the men when rejected (touchy subject). I could be reaching, but the aspect of a lot of men not being able to accept rejection is possibly due to them also not being able to process their emotions of being hurt or angry correctly (among other things such as entitlement to women that society instills), which is not to excuse the violent behavior or couple violence in men to mental illness, but more of an observation of a lack of proper emotional processing. With the rate of Black male suicides on the rise, we really need to make an effort to reverse this idea of what "being a man" is. But, enough on our Black men.
As a whole, being told we should be able to roll with the hardships that come our way as a people has forced us to not express ourselves in a healthy manner and seek help. We see this with the idea that Black women are supposed to be strong and take whatever comes their way, no matter what. We then instill the idea of a woman being "crazy" if she shows realistic signs of mental health issues as being a good thing or something to boast about, or even just something to joke about (i.e. "You know Aunt Jackie crazy, she always be talking to herself").
We should be finding help for our people, but we instead make light of situations dealing with mental health and say "we don't act like that", or "that's that white shit". We have to make strides in the right direction for one another. Depression and self harm is not a white issue or a woman's issue; It is everybody's issue.
Sadly, as I was creating this post a recent event in Cleveland has occurred, which to me shows us exactly how mental health can definitely be an issue with Black males, as well. Often times we push for our males to be "manly" which includes the idea that they should not show emotion or be hurt by anything. If a Black male is sad, he bottles up his emotions and tells himself to keep on moving because of the fear of looking "weak". Black women are at fault here, as well, by upholding some of the false ideas of how men "should" be. But mostly, our patriarchal society is to blame with how we have conditioned men to feel that they need to be a certain way. We (society) push our men to be emotionless and validate the rough and tough idea to be the only kind of man that we would accept , even though we (women) claim we want a man who is attentive to our emotions and expresses his own.
Without allowing our men to express their own emotions healthily, we (society) keep them in a box that forces them to be hyper-masculine and we then bash them for their lack of emotion. But, we (society) are the ones that built this stonewalling man. How can we expect a healthy mind if it is being told not to react to the regular emotions that are triggered? This could possibly be brought into situations where we see violence in some of the men when rejected (touchy subject). I could be reaching, but the aspect of a lot of men not being able to accept rejection is possibly due to them also not being able to process their emotions of being hurt or angry correctly (among other things such as entitlement to women that society instills), which is not to excuse the violent behavior or couple violence in men to mental illness, but more of an observation of a lack of proper emotional processing. With the rate of Black male suicides on the rise, we really need to make an effort to reverse this idea of what "being a man" is. But, enough on our Black men.
As a whole, being told we should be able to roll with the hardships that come our way as a people has forced us to not express ourselves in a healthy manner and seek help. We see this with the idea that Black women are supposed to be strong and take whatever comes their way, no matter what. We then instill the idea of a woman being "crazy" if she shows realistic signs of mental health issues as being a good thing or something to boast about, or even just something to joke about (i.e. "You know Aunt Jackie crazy, she always be talking to herself").
We should be finding help for our people, but we instead make light of situations dealing with mental health and say "we don't act like that", or "that's that white shit". We have to make strides in the right direction for one another. Depression and self harm is not a white issue or a woman's issue; It is everybody's issue.
We really have to open up the conversation and change the rhetoric of mental health and find out ways to reach out to people. It's not okay to just ask "how are you?" and expect that to be the end of a greeting with people we actually care about. Find a way to gauge their actual emotional well-being and open the floor to allowing a real conversation to flourish. You truly never know. Sometimes, all it takes is one person to just allow you to vent and release.
While we are here, if you find yourself on the end where someone opens up to you about feeling heavy and can't shake it, do not do what we commonly do in our community, which is/includes:
- Telling the person to pray about it and that God is going to help them
- It is only in the person's head/mind and they should just think happy thoughts so things will get better
- Ignoring them or acting as if they're just being a bother/nuisance
- Telling them that it's only temporary and things will get better if they just try to be happy
- Making it a joking matter
Perfection is a disease of a nation...We shine the light on whatever's worst; Tryna fix something, but you can't fix what you can't see...
If you find yourself being down at any point and you find yourself there for long periods of time, or like you just can't shake it: Do not feel ashamed to reach out to somebody, surround yourself with positive things, hang with positive people, and if you have to - cry. There's nothing embarrassing about being human and having functioning emotions - male or female, woman or man. Pretty may hurt, but hurting isn't pretty. Find help. Seek happiness. Be healthy.
If you're still finding this to be a joking matter and don't care...
Welcome to your tape.
Just kidding, had to make it light somewhere lol
P.S.
If you ever find yourself on the low end and need an ear or someone to talk to there are plenty hotlines. I have left a number and a few links to visit which offers a listening ear and crisis specialists. Feel free to use or pass any along. You NEVER know.
If you ever find yourself on the low end and need an ear or someone to talk to there are plenty hotlines. I have left a number and a few links to visit which offers a listening ear and crisis specialists. Feel free to use or pass any along. You NEVER know.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline:
1-800-273-8255 (24 hours)
1-800-273-8255 (24 hours)
Find out more or how to get involved here:
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Not thinking of suicide but really need someone to talk to?
Click here to find a "warm line" in your state/city and surrounding area:
http://www.warmline.org
If you feel the need to discuss the topic, please comment below. You may also reach out to me at any time if you feel the need to talk to me personally at my e-mail:
aisha@begumsmind.com
http://www.warmline.org
If you feel the need to discuss the topic, please comment below. You may also reach out to me at any time if you feel the need to talk to me personally at my e-mail:
aisha@begumsmind.com
If you've ever dealt with depression/anxiety/or the like please don't suffer alone. You would be surprised how many of the people you may drink with every weekend actually battle beside you in the same war. Stay strong!
**Disclaimer: Black men being violent does not equal mental health issues. Violence is another topic and I do not want the two mixed up. I brought in the topic to discuss improper emotional processing, which is brought on by society telling men not to be emotional. Imploding is bound to happen, but do not excuse any violence of men on women for this issue. Thank you!**
- Begum, Over and Out! ;)
(I don't own any copyrights to any photos/graphics used in this post)
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(c) 2017 Aisha Begum All Rights Reserved
(c) 2017 Aisha Begum All Rights Reserved
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