Guide To Being Single

 

...From a happily single person 

(because I can’t give you relationship advice, right?) 

So it’s 2017 and you’re still single. You logged on to your Facebook or Instagram and saw all the happy holiday proposals and I know all you could think about was, “Whoa, they were in a relationship? But they were all up in my DM’s!” So you probably begrudgingly hit that “like” button or said “Congrats! 😍” as you cried on the inside. Alas, you’re inching towards 30 and you’re being reminded of how single you really are. You lonely mf, you.

I’m here to let you know: It’s really going to be okay. Being single is great, you’re just doing it wrong! (‘Cause I said so!) Hold on to your britches and swallow your pride, because I have some advice for you on how to be single.

My 5 Flawless Tips to Being Single and Happy as F***!

(so you can get out of bed with a smile because you went to bed not getting cheated on; you woke up like this!)

Stunt On Your Ex B****

This is your time to get yourself together. Your 20s are the years where you discover health and fitness and become your best self. This is probably your time to hit that all-time glow up that you’ve been waiting to evolve into. Workout, drink water, do your push-ups, mind your business. Get into the goals you set out for yourself and focus on yourself. Running around after somebody or trying to actively seek someone can be distracting and also cause stressors that aren’t necessary right now while you’re trying to get through school, break into your career, get that promotion, or maintain a proper fitness regimen and healthy eating diet. It might sound weird that dating someone can be a distraction, but truly, think about all the time wasted and hurt feelings that come with chasing someone who is just wasting your time (and theirs).

Pick up a new hobby, meditate, learn how to manage the stress you may already have in your life and you’ll soon see that glow in your skin and you’ll be happier than you were before you ever ran into the last person who wasted your time. Trust me. Start knocking some goals off that list and boss up! (And make sure you post a bomb selfie every once in a while to show all the progress)

Be Unavailable 

Don’t be so desperate to find love. A lot of friends have hit me with the “I’m tired of men/women”, “dating is so hard”, “I’ll just go be a ‘ho’” (lol, btw I support sexual liberation; be you). But all of these statements would be avoided if we would stop leaving ourselves open to the pain. I’m not saying be a cold hearted snake (shout out to Paula Abdul) but I AM saying to stop feeling like you NEED someone else to bring you joy. It’s okay to date, but maybe you should take a break for a while and truly re-evaluate yourself and your standards and expectations (these two are totally different things, I’ll explain at a later time…maybe).

It’s okay to be off the market and be alone (not lonely). Stop letting people suck you into a situationship that you don’t deserve and stop always trying to “find the good” in that one person who isn’t fully committing to you, or who you think might have potential. Start setting hard limits on what you accept and don’t accept and then when you’re sure you can enforce it, hop back out there. But, until you’re truly healed and ready: be unavailable. Screen those calls from ol’ dude (or gal) who clearly wants nothing but to use you when it’s convenient for them.

Find the joy in yourself. Hang with your friends and family, learn to love their company again. Also, learn to love your own company again. Use this time to reflect, whether that means to get closer to your Higher Power or find love in your family. Whatever it is, use this time for YOU. Your time will come as soon as you know who you truly are and what you truly are expecting from a partner. (For corny purposes: Your true love will come when you aren’t looking.)

Masturbate 

Speaking of loving your own company… *moves eyebrows up and down like a creep*
Basically, love yourself. Please yourself as much as possible (not like that, ya filthy bastard!), so that way you aren’t depending on someone else to bring the joy in your life. Take yourself out, finish that book you’ve been trying to write, do yoga, binge watch “How I Met Your Mother” on Netflix. Do things that truly please you! I mentioned before that you should be unavailable, well since your mind was already “there", maybe you should also be unavailable in the sack. It’s time to stop thinking that you need a warm body next to you (or in whatever position to you) in order to feel complete. Love yourself. Don’t replace the emptiness with just sex, and don’t confuse sex with a relationship. Let me say that again: Don’t confuse sex with a relationship. All of that is asking for a confused heart and mind, which equals pain. Stop letting sex get you in trouble!

Stop letting those lonely moments have you slipping up and texting an ex, that person you shouldn’t even be thinking about, or the person you cut off 'cause they already did you dirty or you know they will. You better find other ways to entertain yourself! It can only make you feel worse after you get out of that mood you were in, or you may open the door back up to a room that should have been locked and barred. Remember that you matter and your sanity matters. Loving yourself at the end of the night is a bigger payoff than letting someone in to ruin your mood later on. In the words of a great philosopher, Aubrey Graham, "Know yourself, know your worth."

Remember Everybody Cheats

Everybody’s cheating (no, I don’t mean on each other, I mean they’re cheating you of the whole truth). Those posts you see are just the highlights of their relationship! Do not let all the happy posts confuse you and mess up your mood. Remember: everything that glitters ain’t gold. Just because they’re happy with their partner doesn’t mean you won’t be happy with your future boo EVENTUALLY. Remind yourself that a relationship is not just cute photos and Valentine’s Day. Remember the work, the disagreements, the stress that can come with building for success. Did you see what I said there? Building. For. Success.

Are you sure you’re truly ready for that right now? (Be completely honest with yourself and stop just thinking about how holding someone right now would be great) Building. For. Success. That’s the goal! Not building for the sex. *Stares at you*

Social media can be a huge deception and can get you in your feelings about wanting to have that special someone to be with that you can brag about online or post about. But, don’t lose focus on your goals to be self-reliant and efficient. Also, don’t make it be the push that you need to rush into a wrong situation. Entering a wrong situation would then leave you cheating your own self of a good thing.

F*** Dat B-Word! 

B is for Bitter! F being bitter! Don’t join the pity party with friends or people who may be in the business of man-bashing or woman-hating. You’re better than that. Even though it can feel good to let steam off every once in a while, be careful not to get stuck in the mindset that the opposite sex (or same sex ;) ) sucks and can do nothing for you. The goal here is to realize your self-worth without the help of someone else. And remember, the more you learn about yourself and what you will and won’t accept, the less you’ll even have to be angry or hurt about. It’s okay to hurt, but it’s not acceptable to hate. That is when your healing becomes unhealthy and you head down a bitter spiral. Don’t be bitter, be happy!

Log off social media, unfollow the people who don’t help your mood, workout, and try not to overcompensate for what you think you may be lacking for someone who isn’t even right for you. Stay out of Marvin’s Room - cause he ain’t worried about you (lol). Smile more and drink water for that natural glow!


Bless up! You’ll be a bossed up single in no time! (‘cause I said so, once again) Now, bring it in, Big Guy.

- Begum, over and out!  ;)

(I don't own any copyrights to any photos/graphics used in this post)

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(c) 2017 Aisha Begum All Rights Reserved