How To: Ruin Your Ex's Day

Imagine this for a second:

So, you're bored and your ex popped up in your head. You don't really want too much from them, but you kinda, maybe, just a little miss them (but not like that). Then, you remember exactly why you don't even need them back in your life, but you kind of want to hit them up for no real reason. So, now you're thinking, "I should text them or something..."
*Cue the idea to ruin their day*... End Scene.

Well, in a lighthearted spirit, I found myself wanting to write about how to fuck up your ex's day (why not? Vday is coming up!). After some screenshot laden textual banter with my girls one morning, I realized an ex seems to truly know how to get under your skin with just about anything they do. If you ever had a thought to want to hit up an old flame and ruin their life for a few days or some hours due to endless thoughts of you, here are a few ways:

How To: Ruin Your Ex's Day 

('cause it's fun to be an emotional terrorist, duh)

Hey, Wassup, Hello? - The Random Text:

Sending a text out of the blue can REALLY irk someone's soul who wishes they'd have just blocked your ass. A simple "hi" can really get an ex's blood boiling. It'll get them screen-shotting and sending it to their homegirls like, "Ya'll, why the fuck did ---- just text me 'Hi'?!" It will have him looking at his phone and rolling his eyes at the sight. For extra added effect, when they reply, don't respond back (leave that bitch on "read" for all my iphone users). It's perfect; try it. (Tell them Aisha sent you lol).

Tell Them You Miss Them:

Just for shits and giggles, why not send them an "I miss you" text to get the ball rolling again then disappear after you spark a flame back up. That's really the perfect way to get your ex all riled up again and hurt. Go for it. Make sure it's coupled with a sweet memory of the two of you (gotta go for authenticity!). If they respond rudely, don't give up! Persistence is key here. Make them feel like you're still here for them and want that old thing back. Go ahead, I believe in you!

Send a Meme/Cute Picture: 

Nothing is more annoying than an ex sending you ANYTHING that would allude to the idea that they suddenly thought about you and want you back after they did something horrible. Sending a cute picture to make them respond, though, is a way better way to get back in the door for a few minutes. They may not respond to that "hey, wyd?" text at 2am, but you may catch their attention with a cute photo of you two on that first date, or some cute fuzzy animal. (Please, hold the nudes. Not that kinda party 😷).

Call Their Parents to See How They've Been/Visit: 

Why not call the house and speak to Mom? She loved you so much and always brings you up to your ex about how you were such a good catch. It'd be great to call in and make sure they're still doing alright and then while you're at it, drop a gem about your ex and tell Mom to let them know you called and asked about them. As soon as your ex hears their Mom (or Pop) bring up your name the eye roll fest will begin and you might get lucky and get an angry text from them. #MissionAccomplished

If you REALLY want to be an ass, POP UP! For even better results, pop up around the holidays when you know they're going to be home. Make sure to look spiffy and be super loving to the parentals (no hug left behind!).

Post a Pic w/ Your New Boo:

Who doesn't love a good picture with a caption that references how well you moved on. Make sure you let the world know (world = ex) exactly how much you aren't even worried about them anymore. To level up, maybe use a quote from you two's favorite song when y'all were together. (score!) This here will get you a possible text and you may get unfriended and blocked. At that point, you've reached the ultimate level of annoyance. You win.

...GO BE GREAT 

Now that I've given you a few gems on just exactly how to piss an ex off, go be great! Venture into the land of fuck boy/fuck girl and keep on ruining lives! Just remember that it's all about timing when you want to reach out. Make sure it's a day that they seem super happy and upbeat (this can be verified via their social media). Your goal here is to ruin their day but not kick them when they're down. (that's just rude lol). Holidays are prime time territory (and birthdays), but they're so predictable. Do what you do best and show up to fuck shit up!

- Begum, over and out!  ;)

(I don't own any copyrights to any photos/graphics used in this post)

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(c) 2017 Aisha Begum All Rights Reserved